Subway Stamps
God bless Subway stamps. I know they’re just a sneaky scheme to keep you coming back, but it works! I admit that I eat there a little more often than I should, but it’s just because it tastes so good! And I don’t really consider it ‘fast food’ per say. It’s more ‘reasonably-paced food’, and being able to watch them while they combine ingredients makes it slightly more interactive and entertaining. But, and here’s the clincher, you expect more. As I have been oft-quoted as saying “A Subway not made with love is just not cool”. And it’s true: there’s too much sauce; not enough meat; they’ve toaseted it for too long; and it falls apart when you try and eat it. These are all signs of an inferiorly-made (try saying that ten times fast) Subway sandwhich.
It must be said that some Subway ‘Sandwich-Artists’ should leave the Great Art, and switch to something a little less demanding, like Donut King, or ordinary retail work. For they do not meet the strict requirements demanded by other members of The Guild, and it makes me sad. A properly-made sandwich is a thing of beauty: not too dry lest you require an additional beverage; not too moist so that the bread goes soggy and you drip sauce everywhere; and a perfect balance of ingredients that are just healthy enough to justify the name ’sandwich’. This my friends is the Sandwich Gospel According to Will. Thank you.
June 19th, 2006 at 12:01 am
So skinny to be judging the fate of our beloved sandwich artists. but none-the-less i’m happy to see that you are exceeding your normal levels of vegitable, despite the obviously poor delivery of the masterpeice you must have recently recieved.
As (and i know you people have heard me say this numberous times) the token fat guy in our group of groups, (no we don’t have special rings with magical powers when combined can summon some superhero entity - maybe a bit later) it needs to be said that a good sandwish artist can make or break the whole experience.
Will did get most things right, can’t be too sloppy, can’t be too dry, right mix of meat to veg, meat to sauce, and sauce to bread. but there is actually a science to sandwich making. you see the bread must be cut just right to ensure balance, a well cut symmetrical sandwich will achieve a lot! (Thus why i go into a trance at the choice stage of subway creation, my friends that is when they go hammer and tongs at the bread) if a sandwich is top heavy it will topple in hand, bottom heavy it won’t fold neatly. if the snadwich is not cut at halfway one may experience a slight sense of being duped - no the last half wasn’t as big/small and this one. There is also a lot that needs to be said about the cheese application, no on likes too much dairy and at the end of the day its all about the food pyramid. meat needs to be evenly distributed *critical* as too do the sauce/s of choice. (a tip for young players, be loud when making multiple sauce choices, too much sauce can make the sandwich taste like sauce on bread)
The final lesson i the fat man (no scatting to that crap early 90s techno song) bestow upon you great people is what the distribution of lettuce to the rest of the salad combo… lettuce is cheap and a filler and about 90% water, if you like a lot of lettuce that’s cool, but at least make sure you get some salads that taste like something palatable. this is a cunning ploy that a sandwich bullshit artist will use to dupe the good people from a fully satisfying sub. the other lesson worthy of note is that you really need to watch the way the sub is folded, a poor folder will ruin the perfectly planned sandwich. they potentially can spill the salads all over the place, over fold which leads to collapse, or under fold, which leads to one making one hell of a mess all over oneself… not a desirable look for one if they are on a date!
Most importantly if you do have a problem with any stage of the sandwich creation, speak up and ask your young and eager artist to kindly try again, and if met with some hostility, as i am everynow and then, remind them that you may need to speak with their manager about their study and craftmanship learnt from the bible of subway and the lessons past down from mentor to mentor.
wow i feel like a sub!
and by the way, when your fat, you do get pretty pedantic about things like food and distances… you find yourself taking the hardest math in whatever your doing jsut to learn to work out the shortest distance between A and B whilst optimising shade.
and if you guys didn’t catch it on the last post, i’d like to shout out a big sorry to SST, i make constant faux pa’s, not an excuse at all, but i should watch what i say considering people can misunderstand, sorry mate.
aRnold
June 19th, 2006 at 1:23 am
Well done son, that’s a fair comment, you obviously have more to say on the subject than even I! I’m glad there is a subway-enjoying public out there that agree with, and can add to my comments.
June 19th, 2006 at 9:53 am
bee bup bup bah dah buh… i love 90s nostalgia… Go Planet!
Melb Central can never seem to get enough artists, permanent employment sign in their windows. I’m betting its tougher than it looks.
June 19th, 2006 at 10:07 am
Who’s blog is this again…????
June 19th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Yeah, I’m thinking I’ll have to start putting a word limit on comments… or maybe I should be a little more discerning with which comments get published!
June 19th, 2006 at 7:30 pm
Gem I think we need to find you some help…
June 19th, 2006 at 10:33 pm
serious help gem, serious help… maybe after you’ve finished with the vanilla ice autobiography “ice on ice” though, never get in the way of a good read!
June 19th, 2006 at 11:22 pm
What do you get when you take the triple dot cross product of Wordpress, Berocca and public ranting by (insert name here).
Thats right a blog, very good now tell me if you see anything familiar…
http://www.thomastongue.com/DotProduct/
June 20th, 2006 at 8:34 am
Subway got rid of stamps here =
June 20th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
Okay so I may have taken a stock Wordpress theme and not bothered to do much with it. But I’ve been busy with exams remember? And it took up a lot of my time crafting the lovely layout of advertisements on the various pages. Plus my blog has a cool map, you know any other blogs with a map, huh, do ya?
That’s just not cricket… You need to protest! How do you manage to live a wholesome and fulfilling life?
June 23rd, 2006 at 4:46 pm
Yeah, subway got rid of stamps here too (just to make things slightly more confusing I won’t say where here is). As far as I know, everyone’s just following in USA’s footsteps where they were abolished ‘cos they were being forged.
They have dangled the carrot of ’some offer to come later this year’ (just descriptive enough to get you interested but not so descriptive that you have any idea when or what the offer is), so you keep coming back paying full-price.
As to what the new offer is, it may or may not be https://www.mysubwaycard.com/
In the mean time, we’ve been given coupons with frightfully unattractive offers something like $2 off subs after 5pm and before 10am. Hurrah. Everyone’s favourite time for subway.
June 26th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Hey Will, this is Guy Horrocks, (hugo’s cuz). I think they are getting rid of all these stamps all over the world because a couple of years back, my mate Richard worked for Subway for about 6months. Not only did he claim to make the worlds heaviest sub, which he would give away free to any customer who could finish it, and he drenched a customer with coke for being a dick.;….but also, when he left he stole like 10,000 stamps. 8 of us had free subs for a week in Queenstown and the role didn’t run out for several months. The repercussions of this are obviously being felt worldwide.
give up uni.
-Guy
June 30th, 2006 at 11:52 am
This very subject made page two news today in The Age! (Makes you wonder how widely-read this blog is Will…) Apparently there were ridiculous numbers of the stamps being sold on eBay.
July 1st, 2006 at 8:34 am
I see it coming now.
Subway loyalty card.
More bloody cards.
My wallet can’t cope.
Nooooooooooo……
July 1st, 2006 at 8:28 pm
You know me GeM, always ahead of the pack and leading the way for other, lesser journalists to follow!